The Quaker Faith

The Religious Society of Friends, commonly known as Quakers, is a Christian tradition founded in England in the 1650s. At its heart is the belief that there is something of God in every person– "the Light within." Because of this, Quakers have historically practiced worship without clergy, creed, or fixed liturgy, trusting that the Spirit can speak through anyone gathered in worship. There have been many famous Quakers throughout history, many of whom are known for their roles in abolitionist, activist, and anti-war movements, and the Society of Friends as a whole was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1947 for their tireless commitment to social issues and humanitarian efforts. But Quakers have found success in other areas as well– John Cadbury, the creator of Cadbury Chocolate, was a Quaker who used his beliefs to fight for environmental reforms within his own factory!

Today, Quakerism is practiced in different ways around the world. Some Friends worship in what are known as "programmed" meetings, which include elements familiar from other Christian services– a pastor, hymns, and planned readings. Others continue the older tradition of "unprogrammed" worship, in which those gathered sit together in expectant silence, speaking only when they feel genuinely moved by the Spirit to do so. Kiely's family have been practicing Quakers within the unprogrammed tradition for at least ten generations. In choosing a Quaker ceremony, we are continuing a tradition that has marked the marriages, worship, and daily life of her family for centuries. We recognize that this tradition is a little different from what most of you have encountered at a wedding before, so we have written a brief description of what you can expect during a Quaker ceremony.


A Quaker Wedding

A Quaker wedding is a meeting for worship, held in the manner of the Religious Society of Friends, within which a marriage takes place. Friends believe that God alone can create such a union and give it significance. Therefore no third person is needed to pronounce the bridal couple husband and wife.

A Quaker wedding begins promptly. The bridal couple enter and take their seats at the front of the meeting. After a period of quiet reflection, when they feel the moment is right to do so, the couple rises. Taking each other by the hand, they exchange their vows. When the couple are seated again, the marriage certificate is brought to them and to their parents to sign. Someone who previously has been asked to do so reads the certificate aloud. The meeting then continues in silent meditation while those assembled share in the meeting through quiet prayer and meditation or through spoken messages. Those who feel moved to speak are strongly encouraged to share their thoughts and words with those assembled. Speaking in Quaker meeting is not restricted to those in the wedding party or to those closest to the bridal couple– any and all in attendance are more than welcome to speak.

Following the service, all those present at the wedding are asked to sign the certificate as witnesses to the marriage. Quaker marriage certificates, handed down from generation to generation, become cherished possessions of the new home, recalling the reverent attitude with which the marriage began and the company of loving friends who took part in it.


Frequently Asked Questions

Q: How long is a Quaker wedding?
A: It depends, but typically around 45 minutes.

Q: Do I need to be Quaker/Christian/religious at all to speak?
A: Absolutely not. While traditional Quakers felt that it was the Spirit that moved them to speak, you can also speak if you are moved to share your thoughts and feelings about the newlyweds, about marriage, about love, about life, about the weather. You enrich the ceremony by engaging in both speech and in silence, no matter your beliefs.

Q: Should I prepare something beforehand?
A: We ask that you please not prepare remarks in advance. Quakers believe that when people sit together in expectant silence, the Spirit can move through anyone present, and that a message given in that moment will carry a truth or tenderness that a prepared speech wouldn't. Any words spoken should arise from that silence, prompted by genuine feeling in the moment rather than planned beforehand.

Q: What kinds of things do people say?
A: All sorts of things. People share memories, stories, a wish for the couple. Kiely's mother once shared the story of how a bird had pooped in her orange juice that morning.

Q: How long should I talk for?
A: Ideally less than five minutes, to leave space for others who may wish to share. But proceed as the moment moves you.

Q: Do I have to share?
A: No. You contribute to the ceremony by participating in the silence and by breaking it to speak. As long as you are present, that is enough. But again, you are more than welcome to speak!